The Importance of Being the Doctor
by HelenaHermione
Summary: Implied TenMartha, NineRose. For a bit of lightness, the main cast of the new 'Doctor Who' are reliving one of the most famous Oscar Wilde plays…comedy of manners, TARDIS style!
1. Prologue

**The Importance of Being the Doctor**

**Summary:** For a bit of lightness, the Doctor and Martha are reliving one of the most famous Oscar Wilde plays…comedy of manners, TARDIS style! Implied TenMartha

**Author's Note: **Ah, the Doctor and Oscar Wilde…this just might be a perfect match. Please read and review! (This may or may not be a oneshot.)

**Disclaimer:** The BBC owns the good old Doctor, but Oscar Wilde is public domain…I think!

* * *

The Doctor, wearing his glasses, stood before the console and had just flipped a switch and twisted a knob to set the coordinates of their next destination in preparation for their imminent departure. Martha had just sat down on the seat, but then she quickly jumped up again with a yelp; after a moment, she grimaced and sighed, bending down to pick up what had been left lying on the seat. She examined it for a moment, curious, and then frowned. The Doctor turned around, his forehead creased with bewilderment as he wondered what the fuss was about, but then he saw what she was holding up in her right hand and a big wide grin crossed his face.

"Doctor," Martha murmured, "Do you happen to know anyone by the name of S-"

"My sonic screwdriver!" The Doctor exclaimed. "I thought I had dropped it back at the London Eye, almost considered having Scotland Yard investigate for its whereabouts and offering a big reward as well for its return."

"Would you still offer a reward?" Martha queried.

"Not when the thing is found," the Doctor scoffed. "Now come on, hand it over."

"I noticed an inscription," Martha suddenly remarked, stepping off towards the side.

The Doctor frowned. "You shouldn't have read it."

Martha laughed. "As I've noticed, half of the cultures all across the universe depend on what one shouldn't read. Never thought the Doctor would get involved in all of that censorship."

The Doctor sighed and stepped towards her. "That isn't the sort of thing to talk of in private, Martha, I simply want you to give me back my sonic screwdriver. I might need it."

Martha turned and took a few steps to the side, rotating the sonic screwdriver in her hand. "Are you sure? According to the inscription on this sonic screwdriver, it's a present from someone named Susan."

"Well…" The Doctor bit his lip and swayed a little, trying to recall just what that inscription had said; it had been awhile since he had read it. "If you want to know, Susan happens to be…my aunt."

Martha blinked. "Your aunt!"

The Doctor quickly nodded. "Yeah, she was a charming old lady. Lived in the Ice Galaxy of Sector 12. Just give it back to me, Martha."

Martha glanced down at the sonic screwdriver and read: "_From little Susan with her fondest love to her dear grandfather_."

The Doctor winced. "Ah, yes…well, that is true. She gave me my first sonic screwdriver with that inscription, but even when that device had been destroyed, some parts of the casing remained…including the one with that inscription on it. Every time my sonic screwdriver might break and I would have to make a new one, I would always salvage that one scrap of the casing so that the inscription would stick around with me. She…she's gone, now, but at least I have that memento."

"Oh…I'm sorry, Doctor," Martha told him as she handed over the sonic screwdriver. "I shouldn't have messed around with you."

"Quite right," the Doctor replied as he accepted the sonic screwdriver back and tucked it back into his pocket. "You are hardly serious enough."

Martha arched her eyebrows. "_I_ am hardly serious enough?"

"Yes, especially when I don't know whether you will be able to understand my motives in the scheme of things. As the last Time Lord, I am placed in the position of a guardian and so I have to adopt a high moral tone on all subjects. It is my duty as the Doctor and that, my dear Martha, is the whole truth plain and simple."

"The truth is rarely plain and simple," Martha retorted. "Life would be very tedious if it were either and literature a complete impossibility, now that's something I learned from Shakespeare! You may have your duty, Doctor, but you are still a…a Bunbury! You are the most advanced Bunbury I know of!"

"What?"

"Your name," Martha insisted. "Last year, whenever I wanted to get out of the house and away from Mum and Dad's arguments, I invented a permanent invalid at the hospital called Bunbury. Bunbury is perfectly invaluable. If it wasn't for Bunbury's bad extraordinary bad health, for instance, I wouldn't have been able to meet Barry at the pub."

"Barry?" The Doctor frowned. "Who was Barry?"

"Never mind him, he's ancient history. In any case, let us skip going back to my mum's house and go somewhere else to eat tonight-how about ancient Rome?"

"No, you had much better dine with your mother tonight. I wouldn't want Francine to get angry."

"I haven't the smallest intention of doing anything of the kind," Martha informed him. "I dined there last month, once a month is quite enough to dine with my family."

"For heaven's sake, Martha," the Doctor said as he turned back to the main console. "Don't try to be cynical. It's perfectly easy to be cynical."

Martha walked back to chair and sat down. "My dear Doctor, it isn't easy to be anything nowadays. There's such a lot of beastly competition about for most people…except for you. Even if you are a confirmed Bunbury, nobody else could be like the Doctor."

The Doctor chuckled and pulled back the lever as he shouted, "Dear me, you are smart!"

As the central column started to pulsate and the TARDIS took off into the vortex, Martha yelled, "I am always smart!" After they landed in front of Francine's house, however, Martha got a little serious. "I hope you will behave well."

The Doctor, who was putting on his coat, smiled at her. "Well, I am feeling very well."

Martha shrugged and walked over towards the doors. "That's not quite the same thing. In fact, those two things rarely go together, but we might as well settle for feeling very well when it's for the best."

* * *


	2. Dramatis Personae

**Dramatis Personae**

**Summary: **For a bit of lightness, the main cast of the new _Doctor Who _are reliving one of the most famous Oscar Wilde plays…comedy of manners, TARDIS style! Implied TenMartha, NineRose.

**Author's Note: **Well, let's see if this little production has enough steam to get up on its feet! Now that we've done the prologue, let's get into the main act; but first, the stage must be set with all of its players.

* * *

It was the sound of time and space spiraling to one point; the birds preening themselves in the trees paid no attention to it as a butterfly fluttered across a pond, though it avoided a spot on its shore as the TARDIS materialized with a whining whir. The door opened and the 10th Doctor stepped out, glancing around this idyllic countryside as he was followed by Martha, who grunted as she walked along in the ruffling dress with its restraining corset.

"Were women mad in these days?" Martha muttered as she tried to regain her breath. "You must be hot in that suit, Doctor, why can't we wear our regular clothes?"

The Doctor grinned as he pulled out a fob watch on its chain. "We might as well blend in here and play our parts. Ah, I can see that we are fashionably late; perfect."

Martha glanced across the pond. "What are we doing here, anyway? I know that…invitation appeared inside the TARDIS, telling us to come to this place at this exact time, but who could have possibly sent it? Surely they would have to be very powerful, possibly dangerously so?"

The Doctor turned his head and grinned at her as he pointed towards the distance. "Well, whoever sent it, I have a feeling they might be there…"

Martha faced that direction and saw, in the distance, the façade of a country manor surrounded by gardens and a winding carriage road. "Looks like something straight out of Austen. In any case, I hope they like visitors."

The Doctor snapped his fob watch shut and stuffed it into his pocket. "Oh, I'm sure they expect us and, if they don't, they would still have to welcome us here. When one is in the country, one amuses other people."

The Doctor held out his arm and Martha smiled as she looped her own around his and they set off towards the manor.

* * *

It was the sound of time and space spiraling to one point through déjà vu; up at the manor, a gardener looked up and continued pruning the hedges while a maid opened a window, glanced out, and then closed the window as she went to tell the kitchen that the guests were starting to arrive. At last, a TARDIS-identical to the one beside the pond-materialized as the 9th Doctor stepped outside, smiling as he looked around, soon followed by Captain Jack Harkness and Rose as they scanned the area.

"All right, Doctor," Rose muttered, "What's with the clothes we've got on?"

"Late 19th century," Captain Jack told her, smiling. "Personally, I think it's a nice touch, especially since it seems like we should look our best-popping up at a manor like this! You know, that outfit really suits you, Doctor!"

Rose laughed as the Doctor sighed. "I won't be having any of that sort of talk while we're here, Captain Jack. We've got to be on our best behavior, even if that'll be hard for apes like you!"

Rose rolled her eyes. "Doctor, Jack's just trying to loosen us up! Anyway, what about that invitation?"

The Doctor smiled and reached into his pocket, pulling out a fancy piece of paper. "'You are cordially invited to the Woolton Manor House for a July luncheon and for a little light-hearted entertainment'. That's about it, then it gave the date-year included-time and location…odd bit of business, but that's why we came here! So come on, you lot, let's go in and say hello to everyone."

As the Doctor walked into the manor house, Rose turned to Captain Jack. "The Doctor is so very serious! Sometimes he is so serious that I think he cannot be quite well.

Captain Jack raised his chest and remarked**, "**The Doctor enjoys the best of health, and his gravity of demeanour is especially to be commended in one so comparatively old as he is. I know no one who has a higher sense of duty and responsibility."

Rose blinked and shook her head. "What just happened?"

Jack rubbed his forehead. "Well, uh…I can't rightly say. We better go check in with the Doctor, see if he's found anything out yet."

* * *

Suddenly, Francine Jones blinked and glanced around, slightly surprised to see Tish, Leo, and…Clive seated close by, all dressed in odd clothes; she realized that she was seemingly dressed in such a fashion as well. She reached up and touched the feathers on her hat, then frowned as she stood, though she nearly lost her footing as she hadn't realized that they were moving; a whistle and the rumble of an engine made her realize that they were on a train.

"Woolton! Next stop Woolton!" called out the conductor.

Leo turned his head, staring at her. "Francine…where are we? What happened?"

"Whatever else," Francine muttered, "I bet the Doctor had something to do with this."

The conductor stuck his head into their compartment. "Ah, Lady Jones…and family. We'll soon be arriving near Woolton Manor House."

* * *

"Oi!" cried Jackie Tyler as she started in her basket chair at table situated underneath a yew tree, then she glanced around the garden. "Now that's just…say, where am I?"

A maid opened the door. "Ah, Miss. Tyler. Your pupil will soon be arriving, but until then, the Reverend Dr. Peter Tyler and the deacon Ricky Smith."

"That's Mickey!" yelled Mickey Smith as he and Pete walked out into the garden, glaring at the maid as she closed the door behind them.

Jackie stood and rushed forward, hugging Pete. "Oh, I don't know what we're doing here, but it's all wrong. Reminds me of the Doctor…where's Rose?"

Pete shook his head. "No, Jackie, I don't think she wound up here. Mickey and I were out on a stroll…I think…and then we were here, dressed like ministers!"

"The Preachers would never have been able to work in a suit like this," Mickey remarked. "Anyway, we've got to figure out what is going on around here."

"That woman said I had a pupil coming," Jackie fumed. "I'm not going to teach anyone, not when I don't even know where…or when I am."

Pete smiled. "Well then, Mickey, we really should not disturb Egeria and her pupil any longer."

Jackie blinked. "Pete, what's gotten into you?"

Pete bowed to both of them. "A classical allusion merely, drawn from the Pagan authors. I shall see you both no doubt at Evensong?"

"Evensong? I won't have anything do with Evensong, not when I don't even know what's going on!" Jackie exclaimed. "Pete, snap out of it!"

Pete rubbed his forehead and shook his head. "Sorry, Jackie, I don't know what came over me. It's just…this damned place. It's unreal, I can't even remember what I just said."

Jackie smiled. "Memory, my dear Pete, is the diary that we all carry about with us."

Pete gawked at her as she gasped while Mickey crossed his arms. "I don't know what's the matter with you two, but I don't think it's affected me yet. You two stay here, I'm going to go see what's going on."

With that, Mickey strode towards the door, opened it, and stepped into the manor. Inside, the 9th Doctor, Rose, and Jack were already touring a parlor. Just outside, the 10th Doctor and Martha were approaching the front door, arm in arm; the luggage train, containing the rest of the Jones family, was just arriving at the station. Beyond it all, prying eyes gazed down and someone smiled, anticipating a bit of the humor that was bound to come from all of this. The play was about to begin.


End file.
